That Time I Thought I Needed Approval From Others Or Why Comparison Really is The Thief of Joy

If I’m being truly honest, it was a lot more than once, it may even happen again.  I suppose it’s part of being human. 

It starts out with wanting approval from our parents, sometimes for love or sometimes just so we can have those jeans, sleepover, allowance money, car, etc. 

And then at some point we start wanting approval from others to go places in life and when we see others doing amazing things we feel bad about ourselves for not being there. 

I know more experienced people can break this down better than me if you want all the “Whys”, so I’ll just share how it manifested for me and how I got over it, in case there’s a nugget of wisdom you can grab onto and climb out of that joy-sucking hole, because it’s not doing anything for anyone, especially you.

After a few years I got to a point in Burlesque where I felt ready for the next big step.  For me this looked like people requesting me to perform in shows that actually paid my bills, coming to me for guidance on acts and shows, you know making an actual living through the sparkles! 

I thought I saw other people doing it, featuring in festivals, being paid for travel, I mean I even paid them well to appear in my shows!  How did these people seem to make it happen “overnight” while I had been working for years.

And then it hit me -- No one, NO ONE, just happens. We may not see the years of work they put in before they come to our awareness, or someone may spend years developing skills in one area and then turn them quickly to success in another realm, but all of it takes work and training. To suppose this is both an insult to their efforts and a delusion to our selves.

But enough about them, let's get back to me, because really I'm the one who needs to be responsible for me.  And that is exactly where my turning point came. I realized I was wasting time watching these people and being down on myself. That was time I could spend learning and training!

It's one thing to look to others who are doing amazing things for inspiration and encouragement, and that's the best place to leave it. Once you have your spark, you need to keep nourishing it, you are the keeper of your own dreams and ultimately responsible for making them happen.

Comparing yourself to others puts you in a place of disparity that tells you "I'm not good/strong/sexy/smart/insert anything here enough", which leads to a dark hole of feeling sad for yourself and potentially taking other down with you.

And there's one thing no one has time for -- THAT.  Whatever you believe or know about your purpose on this Earth, it isn't to be a sucking black hole.

The Universe Wants You to Succeed (that’s one of my 7 Secrets of Burlesque!). It's up to you to determine what success looks like (big hint, don't look at ads, social media or TV shows for guidance), and it's up to you to make it happen.

How can I be so sure the Universe is rooting for you? Because I am and so are other people who care about you! We're here to help lift each other up, to comfort each other through struggles, scream for each other's triumphs and laugh along the way. The very fact of our mutual existence proves this to me.

And if you think about what it means to admire another persons' accomplishments, you know this too. You are cheering and appreciating them for stepping fully into their Fabulous, and for sharing it with you. And there are people ready for you to shine your light too!

So what's holding you back from stepping into your Fabulous and what are you going to do to move past it?

Check out my 7 Secrets Burlesque Taught Me About Self-Confidence & Ruling My Life -- maybe there's something that can help you!

Bling & Blessings, Eva